Self Growth

Written by Johanus Haidner

It’s interesting to see people interact in families or couples. Even friendships have their ups and downs. If someone makes a mistake or is hurt, it seems that taking responsibility for that is too difficult. And this begins the blame game.

You said this!

You did that. I felt terrible, because of this.

You never listen. You never think of my feelings!

And most often this could all be avoided, simply by being responsible in the first place. As an example, a couple agrees to meet one day, several days in the future. There is a slight misunderstanding, and one of them shows up 10 or 15 minutes late. The first time it is ignored and blown off. After all, they’ve been seeing each other for a while. But it starts to happen at least one out of three times they are to meet. So, the one who is always waiting gets angry and starts to tell the other person, not necessarily in a nice way, either! Or worse, the person who is late says something that can be interpreted as being really nice or being really mean. We all know that there are times when this happens. But the nice thing is what is meant, and the other person is feeling upset about waiting again. So angry words are said. And this starts something bad. It happens all the time.

How can this be avoided? Well, both parties are actually at fault here. One for being late, whether it’s through a misunderstanding or simply not paying attention to the clock and allowing enough time to travel from one place to another. The other for not listening to the intent behind current words and not for gently bringing up the real subject of tardiness in the first place in order to find a positive solution.

Another example is that the subject of tardiness could have been brought up, but not in a gentle manner. For example, if someone says, “You’re always late! It’s just pissing me off!” And the other person gets angry for having this truth thrown out this way and then acts angry in return, whether it’s by starting an argument or shutting out the other (such as with silence or pulling away). This reaction is extremely immature, yet we do see it all the time in adults. Sometimes even ourselves! Of course losing one’s temper is never a solution, except in some instances of extreme physical danger (which is probably why we evolved that reaction).

Can we evolve to a point where there is no need for such immature arguments or reactions? Of course we can! But it’s not always easy.

In order to move beyond getting hurt by our own errors one has to first of all be willing to admit that it’s possible to be wrong. And not everyone likes to do that. The evolved human can, through reflection, inner strength, and the realisation that making a mistake does not make a person weaker, just simply human. We all make mistakes. And I’ve written many times before that making mistakes isn’t always a bad thing, for our mistakes can teach us a lot! Just don’t make it habit of repeating the same mistake over and over again, regardless of the reason.

And so, admitting that we make mistakes and are sometimes at fault in our judgements, our actions, or even our words, helps us to understand ourselves and to learn how to better interact with others. And sometimes it is a mistake to let the actions or reactions of an immature, unevolved human – one who behaves in ways that are not conducive to openness, love, and communication – anger us or bother us in any way. Simply laugh it off and move on! Or find another way to deal with it that is not going to ruin your own mood. And you will have evolved a tiny bit in doing so.

And when you are wrong admit it. That takes a lot of growth.

Life's Fairness

Written by Johanus Haidner

I know this list isn't original, and I don't know where it came from. It's been floating around the internet for a while now, as this isn't the first time I've seen it. I do like a lot of what is in here and the message that is conveyed, so i'm sharing it...

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful..
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

I think number 37 is my favourite!

Happy New Year!

Critical Thinking is Part of Personal Development

Written by Johanus Haidner

Development is more than simply lerning to understand our emotions or how we operate in the world, it is also about doing our best to develop within the world itself. This means attempting to understand our environment and our effects and interactions with it. It also means being able to critically analyze that which surrounds us, whether it be some theory or belief, or the way that someone has acted and the motivations behind that action.

Our critical thinking helps us not only to develop as individuals, but that influence helps us to develop as a race. Deep thought and trying to truly understand the world helps us all get ahead!

There's a great movie, which is free to watch or download, that explains critical thinking called "Here be Dragons". I think everyone should see this, so I've included the link here: http://herebedragonsmovie.com/

Enjoy!

The Evolving Species and Personal Growth

Written by Johanus Haidner

"The human species is the only species that has the ability to interfere with their own growth." ~Fritz Pearls

With the ability to direct our own growth, and realising this, humans are the only creatures on the planet capable of evolving while still alive, rather than through generations. Typically evolution is thought of as purely the biological change of a species into something slightly different than that of its forebears (or ancestors). This isn’t always the case.

With humans there is also mental, social, and psychological evolution. And we are capable of choosing the directions that we go in any of these realms. Sometimes it is only on an individual or small group basis. But that is what starts larger, societal and species-wide evolution.

In being able to direct one’s own growth and development, a human being can choose to be more evolved and strive for becoming a better human being. This is commonly called “personal growth”. On a wider scale a group of individuals can choose to follow a certain social path – hopefully they will choose one that is better for the human race over all. This is called “social development” or “civilization”.

As a species we are still in our infancy. And we are still the most intelligent and dominant beings on this planet. It gives us great power and therefore great responsibility. And few of us are willing or understanding of that responsibility. Granted, that responsibility starts within. That means that each person is primarily responsible for his (or her) own well being and growth. We have incredible mental capacity.

We can use our mental capacity for responsible action. Or we can choose to be like children or animals. Most people choose the latter. And they don’t even understand the choice, because they choose not to allow themselves to be aware of what is around them. We are largely creatures of our conditions – and only with the opportunity for growth will we begin to understand it, thus begin to seek it. And that is why certain societies in the world dominate over others in social development. They have had the opportunities for a much larger part of their history than others. That is an important understanding, because only with challenging belief systems – social, political, religious, economic, and so forth – will we as a species be able to evolve for the betterment of all humanity. It is the strong connection to any particular belief system that most often stands in the way of personal growth and human evolution. We must, therefore, take responsibility for critical thought and analysis of everything we see around us in order to evolve as individuals.

Human evolution has become a personal thing. Each person is now responsible for his own growth. And through this we can make a better planet and a better society for all!

Similar site: http://www.thevenusproject.com

Hiding Who You Really Are