Avoiding Worthless Toils

“Nothing in life, however, has any chance of succeeding without strenuous practise; and this is capable of overcoming anything. Accordingly, instead of useless toils men should choose as nature recommends, whereby they might have lived happily. Yet such is their madness that they choose to be miserable.” ~ Diogenes of Sinope

Are we mad to want to pursue a way of life that does not bring fulfillment? Amongst people who attempt suicide the number one reason that they state was that they could see no purpose in life (however they word it). By this reasoning, if a person can find purpose – a way to live happily- then there is little chance of suicide. Having purpose in our lives gives hope, motivation, and lengthens life.

A lack of purpose often leads to despondency and can even lead to depression. Sometimes it simply is a cause for cynicism about the world and one’s role in it. While that isn’t the worst, it certainly leads for a bleak existence.

So many people today work at jobs they hate. Many people have no fulfilling hobbies. And others lead hollow existences pursuing a dream that is not of their own making and choosing. Most people simply exist and do not follow any real purpose in their lives.

Allowing Others to Take Your Power Away

“You should never lose your temper in an argument. If you’re right, you don’t need to. If you’re wrong, you can’t afford to.” ~Alexander Green

I was stunned when I read that. Not because it was a revelation, as it was something I already knew, at least at a gut level. I was stunned because it was so succinct and well put. I admit that I’m not the greatest person in the world in this regard. I have lost my temper during an argument. It was a horrid feeling, and I lost it because I knew that I was right and the other person, no matter how much reason, empathy, or even appeal to ethics was used by me, wouldn’t budge. But when I lost my temper, it seemed to get the attention. I didn’t hurt anyone, but it was very obvious that I had gone beyond my normal range of emotions. And that is what worked.

Why is it that with an unreasonable person, someone who honestly knows the position s/he is defending is wrong, that nothing will convince them except fear? I believe that’s what did it in my situation. I don’t know if it was fear of me or for me (probably the latter). Or maybe it was just satisfaction at having seen me lose control. Sometimes people like that. I’m having a hard time grasping the idea that it is sometimes a boost to see another person lose control or bring another person down in some manner.

I have seen people insult and cajole others simply to boost their own egos and make themselves feel better. Somehow they think this is funny. Why?

Are we as a species so base and so cruel that it actually makes us into better beings to hurt another member of our own? It often happens in families. And it’s really bad in early teenaged years. I think there are more bullies and idiots in the ages 13-15 than at any other time in our lives. Then we learn to control those impulses and hide them better – they still never truly go away. An evolved human, can, however, control them. And then they will diminish.

This behaviour in adults is especially reprehensible, because it is immature. Yet, it is surprisingly common. Sometimes it is subtle. But it is always meant to demean the other person. In truth, it demeans the one doing it, by demonstrating weakness. Yes, weakness! The person may feel like power is gained, and it may even appear so in a social manner, such as when it is a superior behaving this way to an inferior at work (boss/employee). But watch the “cool” kids picking on a not-so-cool kid. You’ll see the same thing, only more blatant.

The real weakness is in character. If someone has to demean another person or “push their buttons” in order to feel powerful and better, then that person doing the demeaning and pushing those buttons is the weaker of the two. It takes more strength of character, more self confidence, and a lot more maturity in order to not do this when the opportunity easily presents itself.

It is harder to see the opportunity as a way that you can learn about the other person, and perhaps, if they are open to it at the time, find a way that you can help that person to grow, to evolve as a human being.

When I look back at the instance of my losing my temper, I deeply regret it. Yes, the loss of control allowed me to vent out the frustration, and I felt better immediately after my big outburst. But it wasn’t worth it. If I had been the evolved person I am today, I would have simply left. I was right; I knew it. Leaving the argument would have shown that, and it would have ended the issue right there. I stuck around out of pride, fear, and frustration.

Never argue with someone who is looking for power. You will be drained, and you cannot win the argument, whether you are right or not. Never lose your temper. Leave the argument, gracefully if possible, quickly and forcefully if you need to; but refuse the argument in whatever manner you are able to.

As for my goals, I have realised that there are almost no instances in when losing one’s temper is helpful. The brain shuts off at that moment. I have made it a goal to never lose my temper again. And I expect this will be a fairly simple resolution to keep.

[The only situations that I can think of losing my temper being useful I can’t imagine really happening in my life, so they are moot.]