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It’s interesting to see people interact in families or couples. Even friendships have their ups and downs. If someone makes a mistake or is hurt, it seems that taking responsibility for that is too difficult. And this begins the blame game. You said this! You did that. I felt terrible, because of this. You never listen. You never think of my feelings! And most often this could all be avoided, simply by being responsible in the first place. As an example, a couple agrees to meet one day, several days in the future. There is a slight misunderstanding, and one of them shows up 10 or 15 minutes late. The first time it is ignored and blown off. After all, they’ve been seeing each other for a while. But it starts to happen at least one out of three times they are to meet. So, the one who is always waiting gets angry and starts to tell the other person, not necessarily in a nice way, either! Or worse, the person who is late says something that can be interpreted as being really nice or being really mean. We all know that there are times when this happens. But the nice thing is what is meant, and the other person is feeling upset about waiting again. So angry words are said. And this starts something bad. It happens all the time. How can this be avoided? Well, both parties are actually at fault here. One for being late, whether it’s through a misunderstanding or simply not paying attention to the clock and allowing enough time to travel from one place to another. The other for not listening to the intent behind current words and not for gently bringing up the real subject of tardiness in the first place in order to find a positive solution. Another example is that the subject of tardiness could have been brought up, but not in a gentle manner. For example, if someone says, “You’re always late! It’s just pissing me off!” And the other person gets angry for having this truth thrown out this way and then acts angry in return, whether it’s by starting an argument or shutting out the other (such as with silence or pulling away). This reaction is extremely immature, yet we do see it all the time in adults. Sometimes even ourselves! Of course losing one’s temper is never a solution, except in some instances of extreme physical danger (which is probably why we evolved that reaction). Can we evolve to a point where there is no need for such immature arguments or reactions? Of course we can! But it’s not always easy. In order to move beyond getting hurt by our own errors one has to first of all be willing to admit that it’s possible to be wrong. And not everyone likes to do that. The evolved human can, through reflection, inner strength, and the realisation that making a mistake does not make a person weaker, just simply human. We all make mistakes. And I’ve written many times before that making mistakes isn’t always a bad thing, for our mistakes can teach us a lot! Just don’t make it habit of repeating the same mistake over and over again, regardless of the reason. And so, admitting that we make mistakes and are sometimes at fault in our judgements, our actions, or even our words, helps us to understand ourselves and to learn how to better interact with others. And sometimes it is a mistake to let the actions or reactions of an immature, unevolved human – one who behaves in ways that are not conducive to openness, love, and communication – anger us or bother us in any way. Simply laugh it off and move on! Or find another way to deal with it that is not going to ruin your own mood. And you will have evolved a tiny bit in doing so. And when you are wrong admit it. That takes a lot of growth.
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Self Growth